My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
