They should really pass out barf bags in church
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We are two peas in an std pod
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
