your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
