this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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