just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
