I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
