it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
