She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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