I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize