Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Jerry, you need to find god
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
