This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
