so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
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Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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