Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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