Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
