I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
