I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
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Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize