Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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