apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
