WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
