It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
