There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
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