you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
