there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
