The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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