Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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