what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
