I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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