Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
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Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
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He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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