this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
