Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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