you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
