Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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