Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
cat food counts as protein by the way
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
