i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
