Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
