mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize