The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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