i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
