dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
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I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
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I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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