My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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