My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
There are leaves in my underwear?
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