every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
