I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's rum buckets o'clock
Randomize
