the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Houston, we have a blender
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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