I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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