I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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