Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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