i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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