i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
How naked do you want me to be?
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