is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
