a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
