Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
