I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
