Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
