I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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