Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
