there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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