I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
