OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
